He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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