Screwed.edu
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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