Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
