just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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