You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
