I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
