Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
