i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
