Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
