My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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