That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
