I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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