May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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