you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
