its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
