My friends, they love my intelligence
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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