There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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