then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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