My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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