I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
