He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
