be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
