What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
