woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
