I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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