Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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