i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
