i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize