My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
