2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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