Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize