There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
