I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize