Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
