WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They took my balls.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
