So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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