lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
