wanna go halves on a baby?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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