I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
