So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Found your dick twin last night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize