I want to walk on stilts...naked
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
