You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think my nap took me to another dimension
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
