I am puke
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
