I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
