I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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