I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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