True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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