i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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