Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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