lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize