I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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