all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
