You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
