they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
