im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
