Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
