dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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