I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
