I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sober January is a disaster.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have feelings that need drinking.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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