Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
