I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
