I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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