my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
