I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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