Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
