i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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