Yo dont text me then not text me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Jerry, you need to find god
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
