Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize