he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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