Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
