we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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