U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Randomize
