So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
