Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
