Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
