oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
