It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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