Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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