Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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