i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
