I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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