Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
