Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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