on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
