The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize