I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
