new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Randomize
