this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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