Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
