But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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