I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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