I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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