Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
