When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
