My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
zippers are such a cool invention
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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