how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
