I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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