this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
