i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
