Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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