I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
