Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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