I just found puke in my bra..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
